What Men Really Mean

"I'm going fishing." Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Let's take your car." Really means..."Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."

"It's a guy thing." Really means..."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" Really means..."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling

"Good idea." Really means..."It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?" Really means..."I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means..."She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain." Really means..."I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means..."The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late." Really means..."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means..."She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means..."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"You look terrific." Really means..."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"Will you marry me?" Really means..."Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"I broke up with her." Really means..."She dumped me."