High-Tech Jargon

NEW: Different color from previous design
ALL NEW: Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE: Imported product
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY: Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION: No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN: The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT'S HERE AT LAST!: Rush job; nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED: Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY: Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY: Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY: It's different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH: We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC: No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE: A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE: Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED: Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED: Assembly machines operated without gloves
PERFORMANCE PROVEN: Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS: Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE: Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY: Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY: We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE: When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION: Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS: We got a good deal at a government auction CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY :You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE: Nothing we ever had before worked this way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES: We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED: Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED: Does things we can't explain
AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY: One of our techs was laid off by Boeing