funny joke lists

Alcohol & Food

Bar Speak

So occasionally you go to the neighborhood bar or pub and hang out. Did you ever really think about what all of the conversation going on around you actually means, what people are actually "saying"?

"I'll get this one, next one is on you." =  Happy hour is about to drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.

"You get this one, next round is on me." = We won't be here long enough to get another round.

"I haven't seen you around here for a long time." = You stuck up little twit, too good for your old friends??

"Hey, where is that friend of yours?" = I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

"I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) = You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

"I don't feel well, lets go home." (male) = I'm horny.

"What do you have on tap?" = What's cheap?

"I've had like 10 beers already." = I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.

"Excuse Me." (male to male) = Get the #%*! out of the way.

"Excuse Me." (male to female) = I am going to grope you now.

"Excuse Me." (female to male) = Don't even think about groping me, just get the #%*! out of the way.

"Excuse Me." (female to female) = Move your fat butt. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. And Get your eyes off of my man.

"I don't have my ID on me." (female) = I'm 19.

"I don't have my ID on me." (male) = I am actually 45, but the 22 year old girl I brought thinks I am 30.