What Your Professor Really Means...

My office hours are by appointment only = I like to get out of here early.

Bring the text to class. = I don't have a clue how to lecture - we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.

Let's check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed... = I've got my head up his ass.

Talk to the department secretary. = Piss off.

The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.

Don't come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

The final will be comprehensive. = I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty - I'll just bluff it and let you teach.

There are two TAs available to help you. = I can't be bothered.

This year, I'll be scaling the grades. = I just passed tenure review.

I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. = The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.

We'll just skip the term paper this semester. = There wasn't enough money in the budget for a TA.

Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I'm so boring, no one would show up otherwise.

We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up on the lecture schedule.

I'm postponing today's exam. = There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.