funny joke lists

Daily Living
Stressed Out

If you're stressing out, here are some comments you can use to help articulate your mood to others...

1. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

2. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

3. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes
on my cat.

4. And your cry baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

5. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

7. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

8. Earth is full. Go home.

9. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

10. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

11. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

12. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

13. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

14. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

15. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

16. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

17. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

18. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

19. Is it time for your medication or mine?

20. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

21. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.